Life is hard.

Most of you know about my horse Zbar Lynx to Cash aka Lynx. He has been my champion for over 10 years. I raised him. I’m the only one that has ever run him on barrels. On the flip side, he has been giving lessons to my kiddos.

This horse taught me what trust means. How to truly trust in training and how to let it go to enjoy the ride. Never have I ever felt what I felt when running Lynx. I always knew he was going to turn that first barrel no matter how hard he came running! The feeling of flying through the air and just knowing I would enjoy the ride was everything. He was my partner. He always stayed under me in every single situation. It was the best feeling in the world to run him (horse wise) and I am really going to miss it.

Today we went to the vet. He has been “off” on his front right for some time now. Last week he also injured his right hind. We went in around thanksgiving and didn’t find anything new with front right. But the right hind had me worried. Right off the bat, my vet started blocking his front end. One foot at a time. He said whatever went on with the hind leg is fine. But his front had him pulling out the ultrasound. Come to find out, he has a lesion on his right front deep digital flexor tendon. Not a small one either. At age 15, he is now retired. Not much can be done. It’s a large lesion. He also has fluid on the front left in the same area. I have been praying for an answer. A solution. What to do to help him. This was not the answer I expected. He is retired to the point that he can’t give lessons. He can give pony rides. He might be ok for a nice quiet trail ride. But not right now. I think my heart broke in half with this news.

Being told that your heart horse will no longer get to run, lope, workout (he is that crazy workout guy) or really do anything at all is simply devastating. I don’t know how to tell him that he can’t go on the trailer anymore. That I pulled his shoes so he can enjoy the pasture life. I don’t think he is going to take it well at all. My rockstar is now retired. I can get a second opinion. I can put thousands of dollars into a 2% chance of helping this but the outcome is slim to none. I will let him live his happy life knowing that his past was AMAZING.

Honestly, I don’t know what to do with myself now. Do I really want to barrel race on another horse? Not really, no. I can’t imagine running anyone but Lynx. 10 plus years is a long time. Whiskey will be broke to ride soon. Do I want to run him on barrels? Honestly, I don’t know. I think I might try sorting. This situation is simply soul crushing for me. So I’m sorry if I come off a little coarse for a bit. I don’t mean it. My heart is standing in a stall asking me why we can’t go for a gallop across the field right now. I’m going to cry. I’m going to be sad. I’m going to go through all the stages of grief. God has his plans. I just wish I knew the outcome.

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